I'm thinking... I'm thinking... I'm thinking...

OK. So i sat in front of this computer and tried to come up with something and somehow to start this blog. Well i figured it out. it starts last night. My family went to load up band equipment from the rehearsal hall for the show on New Years Eve. Our good friend Jack came along to give us a hand. After we loaded up and came home we sat around the table and had a nice dinner together. Then there was a knock at the door and Sidney let out a loud YIPE!! Travis Mashburn came in the door, Jacks little brother. he sat at the end of the table. Jack sat next to mom, mom sat across from me, dad sat at the head of the table and Jon sat next to me.( Now its your job to figure out where we are all actually sitting. try and visualize it.) But anyways, so as we sit there chatting, we begging to notice that the foil that once was around the backed potatoes we had for dinner are now the perfect size ball to match a baseball. next thing we all new, we were playing volleyball with these balls of foil, and then baseball using oven mitts as the bat. At one point Jon got up from his seat not really notices and walled into his room, Jack was using the Pooh Bear oven mitts now at antlers like a deer. As he turns to look at mom with his great horns of fabric, something smacks him right between the eyes. But what makes this so funny....is he didn't react right away, he kept making dorky sounds than about five seconds later flinched and said ouch and started laughing. Perfect shot, by my brother J-Blood. I guess the boy just has the right touch to hit anything right between the eyes. Whether is is a deer with an arrow or Jack with a beer bottle cap folded in half. We laughed so hard last night around that table. Just over the simplest of things. We than slowly migrated to the living room. Jack Laid out on the couch, Travis curled up in moms chair, Mom curled up in dads chair, and Jon and i were on the floor with the puppy. Dad went on to bed because he was tired and just plain wore out. As we just kind of hung out watching TV now unwinding from the fun i realized just how much i forgot what it was like, just to have a good time and not stress over something. As I text Medford, Jack and Travis's dad, good night i told him that his mind could rest easy for the night, that both his boys were together happy, Jack sound asleep on the couch and Trav not far behind in sleep, both with full tummy's, warm and happy for the night. He simply said thank you and told me how much, they were his pride and joy. I told him he was more then welcome and a final good night. Threw all of this i learned something. Something may be so small, maybe something so great, but i learned that instead of stressing over things that could kill a small animal, let them go and fill yourself with times like these pf happiness and laughter. Life is way to short to not laugh, to not smile, and to not live. I learned that if things don't go as exactly planned, well OK.... move on. Things are not that bad. I'm gonna start living with more of a smile on my face and worry about what may benefit me in my life instead of always worrying about if i might be not perfect in somebody Else's view. That's my opinion.... As my father would say, " It is my opinion, there are and may be many like it but this one is my own." And that's my story for tonight.

God Bring Me Home Safe

A man kisses his wife and son.
A woman hugs her husband and kisses her daughter.
A little girl has tears running down her soft cheeks.
A teenage boy cries to God asking why.

Them in uniforms, wave one last time.
Saying good bye, with a gentle nod.
They walk to that awaiting plan.
They pray silently to themselves.
"God Bring Me Home Soon."

The families stand at that tall cold fence.
Parents who are left hold their children.
Tears, so sad run down all's faces.
They all silently say a prayer.
"God Bring Them Home Soon."

Months pass. Letters are sent to and from.
Then the letters from home get no response.
Weeks pass. A man comes in a uniform with a sealed envelope.
The family cries, Oh Please No.
"Oh God, Bring Them Home Soon."

Those same families gather again.
Standing at that tall, cold fence.
Praying to see their loved ones, walk off of that plane.
The doors lowers, dress blues are seen.
"God, Please Bring Them Home Soon."

As those in dress blues become seen.
They carry flag draped caskets.
The reality sets into family members
Some cry out, some drop to their knees.
"God Bring Them Home Soon."

Those little boys and girls,
The teenage children, asking why,
The wife's and husbands,
Left to pick up each other and mourn as one.
"God brought Them Home."

The line of black hearses.
The filled funeral homes.
Family and friends waiting to say welcome home.
Most stand numb asking God why.
"God you didn't bring them home, you took him home."

The families say good bye.
Some frustrated with god.
Some frustrated with the government.
They wanted him to come home to them alive.
They Prayed, "God Bring Him Home Soon."

They hear people talking in the streets.
"This is their job to fight for freedom."
Yet they stand there and don't think about the families left behind.
Husbands and wife's get defensive over their loved ones.
Standing up for those who give their lives so we can be Free.

Standing up for those who,
"God decides to bring home to him."
Such as he did with their husbands and Wife's,
Their sons and daughters.
"God someday i ask you to bring them all home to us and you."

Christmas/Holiday Wish List's

OK so i know i haven't been on here in forever and have allot to get caught up on but one thing i have been thinking about that could give us all a helping hand during the holiday time. Why does everybody make a blog entry that is their Christmas wish list. It can be a present you want, or a dinner you want to have with a group of friends. But post it. Then those of us who read your blog will then have idea's for holiday gifts and outings. Makes things much easier. Give it a try.

http://www.cmt.com/videos/misc/277609/just-stand-up-artists-stand-up-to-cancer.jhtml?

You know I'm starting to wonder if things are going to fall how i want them to but you know maybe I'm just suppose to know till it happens. So fine. Life is a roller coaster that i can't control. But i guess i can look at it as a ride of fun instead a ride of fear and worry. Just ride it out. everything happens for a reason right.? Sure that what everybody has always said. GOD has plan for everybody. I wish i could believe my own words coming out of my mouth. I won't lie I'm terrified to be on my own, i don't know where I'm going what I'm going to do... I know Nothing. I know what i WANT to do and where i WANT to be but who knows if its going to happen that way. I sure hope so. I guess i can lean of the faith i do have and hope it gets me there. I wish my faith was as strong as it used to be. Its just not there anymore. I can't find it and its driving me crazy.
i put this link on here because a friend told me to look up this song and listen to the words. i here the words but i can't absorb them i can't believe them.

Good Bye My Old Girl

If you truly want to read the impact my girl had on my family and family friends, visit my moms blog. Her tribute is fantastic. It has taken me a week to say the little bit i am about to say. What i can say is, my girl must be happy, today at about 4:30 it started to rain. (exactly one week late.) at about 6 o'clock it stopped raining. My Josie was telling me she's OK, and that she is watching over me. I can't tell you how it feels to loose a lifetime companion like this. Its such a raw empty feeling. ever morning i am woken up by my mom putting our puppy, Sydney, on me till she licks half my face off. but its not the same. Sydney doesn't understand me. yes she is so cute but, its just not the same. every time i come home, there is no black nose in the last dinning room window facing the driveway, with whimpers of joy coming from it. Every night i go to bed and i never get yelled at for not petting or cuddling with her long enough. Every morning, no conversation when i come down the stairs and am only half awake. I miss that the most. Every single morning, rain or shine Josie would say good morning and i would lay as close to her as i could get and she would talk to me. We would spend at LEAST five minutes every morning talking waking up together. I used to come home from school and she would meet me at the door with a big nudge to get me on the ground and then would jump continue to lick me and wine and whimper and we would snuggle for a while. She loved this family so much that she would never eat until the family was home. She would go all day at times when we were all out busy with out eating. In seven months exactly as of today i will be eighteen, she would have been thirteen. I'm not sure how that's going to go. For twelve years she always got the first rose off OUR birthday cake feed to her by me with a fork. I have nobody to give my milk to in the morning when i finish my bowl of cereal. Nothing is the same. Sydney doesn't ever bark. Never talks and its just so different. I can't put into words the pain that i feel sometimes. It hurts. That's all there is to it. Its raw and as time goes on it still feels like yesterday. I dream about that day every night. I sat in the pouring rain with Josie all day that gloomy Thursday. I was soaked but she wanted to lay in the front yard so we did. I told her that morning that i would never leave her the rest of the day. And i didn't. I sat in the rain i held her until she left for a better place. She was the greatest friend I've ever had and will ever have. She was my baby my sister my world.
REST IN PEACE MY BABY GIRL!!! HOPE YOUR HAPPY!!!

WHERE I'M FROM

On a three hour flight from Memphis to LAI was silently celebrating my first class upgradeLaughing at my jeans and my bootsBeside those high dollar shoes and Armani suitsWhen the gentleman next to me said the drinks up here are freeSo if you'd like the first one can be on meHe said i'm headin back from business in New York and RomeTell me son, Where do you call homeI said I'm from the front pew of a wooden white churchThe courthouse clock it still dont workWhere a man's word means everythingWhere moms and dads were high school flingsGave their children grandmothers maiden nameYes it may not sound like muchBut its where I'm fromSo we drank that round and then anotherThere wasn't a topic in this world we did not coverHe said I headed out west when I was barely 19Just a kid chasing my dreamsI said I'm flying out here to pick up my big brotherHe's been fighting the cancer they discoveredBut he called last night and said I think this is the end. So come take me home to my family and my friendsWhere the quarterback dates the homecoming queenThe truck's a ford and the tractor's greenAnd Amazing Grace is what we singWell there's a county fair every fallAnd your friends are there no matter when you callYeah It may not sound like much but it'sWhere I'm fromAnd as we stood to claim the bags we checkedHe said I'll pray for your brother and did I mention thatItalian suits haven't always been my styleSee I was quarterback of my high school teamWe took state back in '63And my wife, she's still my homecoming queenCause I'm from the front pew of a wooden white churchA courthouse clock that still don't workWhere a man's word means everythingWhere moms and dads were high school flingsGave their children grandmothers maiden nameYes it may not sound like muchI said it may not sound like much but it's where I'm fromit's where I'm fromWhere I'm fromAmazing Grace, how sweet the sound......

This story is a story of Trueth. Of Heart. And of Love.

B.R.A.K.E.S.

I have found a new passion. It's called B.R.A.K.E.S. it stands for be responsible and keep people safe. i joined the team and couldn't be any happier. It was started by an NHRA driver named Doug Herbert after his two sons were killed in a single car crash. i am now apart of the team and my goal and roll of being a member is to help turn teens and adults alike into better safer drivers. I want to make it so very clear how quickly a life can change for ever. I hate reading the paper almost everyday and there is a new car crash that either involved serious injuries or fatalities. And the even worse part is SO MANY of them involve deaths of multiple people young old new drivers and experienced. i have had to go to one good friend funeral and i don't want to do it anytime soon again. I don't want this to be the image left in one of my best friends mind after they were driving "COOL" and crash the car killing everybody else in the car.

This picture of Jon and James Herbert's funeral is so sad. I just hope that being apart of this team i can help prevent this from happening so frequently. Anybody can join the team.

Any body who wants to send me a post and i will help you to join in the challenge to same people, young AND old, lives.

My Birthday!!!

so I'm seventeen now. wow. i don't feel any different. really i don't. it doesn't even feel right to say I'm seventeen or write that I'm seventeen. i guess I've gotten to a point where like when i turned sixteen, I WAS SIXTEEN, but now its like woohoo I'm seventeen. not a big deal. but let me say something... my birthday was one of the BIGGEST roller coasters i have EVER been on. the morning was amazing a few friends at school decorated my locker and filled my truck with balloons and wrote on the windows happy birthday and everything. and it was aw some then you know i came home and it just didn't feel the same with out my grandparents here. they have never missed a birthday, so it wasnt the same. and it kinda brought me down a little but i tried to just put it away because it was my birthday. Then.... ohhhh.... THEN the fun began! First jack my brother shows up. in his hand he held a card that he got me and drawn on the envelope is a person with a fish bowl filled with water as a head(water-head). THEN.... the Mashburn's ( Miss.Sandi, and Dr.Mashburn) show up. in hand with a card that reads on the envelope reads the following "happy birthday Morgan NO mo NO WATER HEAD!!! oh for crying out loud love you all to. i thought my mother was going to pee herself laughing at me. when she saw both ENVELOPES. we're not even to the cards yet. I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves. on the actual cards because no words could express what these cards were like. JACK- come on did you have to be that mean. lol just kidding. it was very funny. the inside was just as funny.we did have a very nice time though, AND thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my birthday the best it could. i really needed it. you guys were a

amazing. i truly don't know what i would do in life without you guys.

READ....POST!!!

OK so what is you people's deal? I'm ahead of all of you in post. you guys have fallen behind. come of i miss you guys i wanna know whats going on in all your lives. its bad enough i don't get to experience all of the times with you. i really would like to at least read about them. lol. anyhow. nothing new no inspiring stories. no amazing falling out. no nothing just another boring day. I'll get something good eventually. ☻

Happy Birthday to Somebody Special

I just returned from the Mashburned newest addition...The Lake House. As we sat around chatting, bonding, and eating pizza. I looked around and listened to so many things being said and done. My little brother was sitting next to a soon to be father and talked as if he was of the same age. My mother and father sat around a plastic folding table with Dr. Mashburn and Mrs. Mashburn. I sat across the table from them. My parents and the Mashburns talked so comfortably about things they plan to do this spring and summer. And they talked about crazy (yet sometimes stupid) things they were apart of this last summer, and i watched as the older grandfather sit next to his wife and tell her that he loved her, and then stood so strongly and roamed around to joke and talk with all who gathered. Hailey, an expecting mother, joked so happily and yet was so quiet. I watched her sit against a wall and eat her pizza and not complain about how badly her back her but just say that she did not want a chair. As we sat around Mrs. Mashburn got up from her chair and went to the kitchen, where she then called her husband to follow. When we all came into the kitchen, she was sitting in front of two cakes full of candles. We all sang happy birthday and she took a deep breath.she, got all of her candles in one breath. we then went back to eating and conversating. she was so happy just to be around her family and friends. after a few minutes she went back to the kitchen where everybody was called back and she had all of her gifts and flowers in front of her. she said some things that moved people that i don't know if she realized. as she thanked everybody for coming she talked about how her life has been so good, and then she said that it was because of all the people around her.... Then she turned to her daughter, and she very simply said that she was not sad about her life being so far along because of her and her daughter being together and so close and now Hailey is expecting and she was so proud of her. when she turned back to her gifts i could see how touched Hailey was. she started to tear up and smile all at the same time. she called both of her step sons.. HER SONS. Travis the younger one got a soft spot and turned to her and gave her a huge loving huge. the other kind smiled and said thank you and i love you. Tonight was amazing. was so mellowing and moving. happy birthday Miss Sandie i Love you.

look!!!

like the new look? i changed some of my colors and themes. i was tiered of the same old same old. lol. but you know how it goes. hehehe. nothing to important. oh ya but on february 20th our marching band is playing the phantom's hockey game at the chevy centre. it is also the pre party to the kelly pavlik BIG fight.... so anybody is more then welcome to come out watch the game and listen to us. nothing big though. we have to play tonight to. we have to play for the boys basketball game at the school so i'll be busy all night. oh ya ans the blog right below is from the quaker city race way/ viperizer website. jon is on there too. pretty cool stuff let me tell ya. lol. ttyl :-)

check it!!!!

Morgan Franjko qualified # 11 with a 10.04
Get this....odds have it that Morgan has to run her little brother

Jonathan first round....The dude slaps his sister with .009 bulb...ouch!!

But it's kewl cause Morgan comes back and wins the QCR Junior race!!!

"I Stand"

When you ask me, who I am:What is my vision? And do I have a plan?Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

And I don't knowWhat tomorrow bringsThe road less traveled Will it set us free?Cause we are taking it slow,These tiny legacies.I don't try and change the world;But what will you make of me?

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

With the slightest of breezesWe fall just like leavesAs the rain washes us from the groundWe forget who we areWe can't see in the darkAnd we quickly get lost in the crowd

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

NEW POST!!! YAYAYAYA!!! lol sorry got that out of my system. hehehe. i just got done typing my chemistry paper so I'm kinda wound up and tiered of using my brain. so i thought i would come here. hehehe. don't ask i don't know whats wrong with me. ask my doctor. he says technically I'm fine, but I'm not so sure. LOL! we i just had to share something with all of you that i though you would all take great...umm....i don't really know..... but any ways. so i was sitting in English class a few days ago and we were helping grade our journals that we have to keep and i just was so privileged to get the cocky jokes from the seat behind me who I CAN'T STAND!! so i just the good kind friendly student and person i am just let it go and went on to read 50 journal entries and comment on every single one like i was instructed to and then total his score and return it to the pile. seems simple, easy, and to the point, right? WRONG!!! oh no this was no easy task!! it was like trying to read a four year old hand writing first off. but i got past that... then i had to grade the journal in many different ways.. up side down.... back to front and out of order. how does a person do that. it is a simple 50 point assignment. you walk into class get out your journal flip to the very next page in your journal write down your prompt, and write you close your journal when your down, and you put it away. the next day repeat this process. its really not that hard i do it every single day in English.
but OK fine what ever. you think this is great you should have read the things he turned the prompts into. journal entree number seven- " write how you could better your committee, and explain your answer"...simple write? here is a summery of what he put.." i could better my....um...town... by playing star football, basketball, baseball, and every other sport player. i don't really know how this would better my town but it would make me feel like even better of a person.oh ya that's right i am as good as they come. people should worship my athletic ability's and how gorgeous i am."
ya this is what i get to deal with ever single day for 45 minutes. he's so egotistical. i can't stand it. its one thing to mess around with people to say you are good at what you do. but to work 50 different journal entries so that you can talk about how much you love yourself. No get over your self...grow up!!!!
OK i feel better now...ttyl

hey everybody. thanks for being there for me. i really love all of you guys. your all amazing! and i mean that sincerly. so here is the newest and sweetest!!!..... so my mom and dad have been talking to a relative of my dads online via e-mail for a while and get this....the other day...... SHE CALLED!! how cool is that. now she is not jsut a relative she is living in austria now but she is from croatia. that is so cool that i am in touch her and her family now. my dream has always been for me and even the family to for my senior trip go to croatia to visit and meet all of my relatives on my dads side of the family. tell me that would not be cool!!! i hope that we stay in contact because i am so excited to get to know them. i know there is a daughter in the mix who is just about my age i think dad said she was 17. SWEEEEET!!!!!

can i ask a question? i was laying in bed the other day, just thinking to myself.... and people always say, "don't ask why because there is no answer" but is there? i wrote in my journal everything that came to mind and it kind of went like this....
"Do you every ask yourself why? why do people love? why do people hate? why do people breathe? why to people live? why do people die? why do people get sick? why do people stay healthy? why do people cry? why do people smile? why do people do bad things? why do the good die young? why do the Guilty live for eternity? why do friends come into our lives? why do friends leave? why do some forget? why do some forgive? why do some remember the aw full? why do some never forgive the simple? why? Do you ever ask yourself why?

Does this make sense to anybody? Do i sounds like a freak? maybe its just me. I kinda feel lately like i am just a struggling teenager that can't beat it. Is this the normal life of a teenager? maybe I'm just worrying to much. my grandfather is sick with cancer, and I'm not going to lie, I'm worried sick. i can't even think about loosing him without tearing up. he's so important to me. and so i try not to think about it but every time my brain even turns on something that does not take up every ounce of my brain i think about him.

I also really stress about my grades. i mean like i don't want to be a perfect 4.0 student(even know that would be great) but i just want to now struggle every day of school. My brother is so naturally smart and he can get such good grades, and the only thing he has to do is study every once and a while and apply himself and he can get a perfect 4.0. it's not fair. why can't i be naturally smart? i just don't want to struggle i want that honors diploma. i want to be that special person the twenty thirty years down the road i can send my parents on an all expense paid trip to Paris or Croatia or even Florida or Vermont(mom has always wanted to go there). i just wish i had the ability. everyone always says if i apply myself more i can get as good as grades as i want but i can't stay focused anymore to do any better. what am i suppose to do. do i give up. No! my best friend did that and look what happened now i have a 12x12 frame of the only pictures i ever had of her sitting by my bed with her obituary hung up in front of my bed on my wall. what good that did, right? ya I'm not that weak. i just struggle and feel like i stand alone sometimes because i don't want to drag anybody down. Can somebody just tell me I'm not crazy. just tell me I'm normal and it gets better. because this Really sucks. I'm tiered of hiding the tears until I'm in my bed and i cry myself to sleep almost every single night wondering why i can't be the perfect person, the perfect daughter, the perfect student. i don't even want to be perfect i just want to be good. i don't want to struggle and claw my way at EVERYTHING i do. what am i suppose to do?

WHY?