Thursday, July 30, 2009

Good Bye My Old Girl

If you truly want to read the impact my girl had on my family and family friends, visit my moms blog. Her tribute is fantastic. It has taken me a week to say the little bit i am about to say. What i can say is, my girl must be happy, today at about 4:30 it started to rain. (exactly one week late.) at about 6 o'clock it stopped raining. My Josie was telling me she's OK, and that she is watching over me. I can't tell you how it feels to loose a lifetime companion like this. Its such a raw empty feeling. ever morning i am woken up by my mom putting our puppy, Sydney, on me till she licks half my face off. but its not the same. Sydney doesn't understand me. yes she is so cute but, its just not the same. every time i come home, there is no black nose in the last dinning room window facing the driveway, with whimpers of joy coming from it. Every night i go to bed and i never get yelled at for not petting or cuddling with her long enough. Every morning, no conversation when i come down the stairs and am only half awake. I miss that the most. Every single morning, rain or shine Josie would say good morning and i would lay as close to her as i could get and she would talk to me. We would spend at LEAST five minutes every morning talking waking up together. I used to come home from school and she would meet me at the door with a big nudge to get me on the ground and then would jump continue to lick me and wine and whimper and we would snuggle for a while. She loved this family so much that she would never eat until the family was home. She would go all day at times when we were all out busy with out eating. In seven months exactly as of today i will be eighteen, she would have been thirteen. I'm not sure how that's going to go. For twelve years she always got the first rose off OUR birthday cake feed to her by me with a fork. I have nobody to give my milk to in the morning when i finish my bowl of cereal. Nothing is the same. Sydney doesn't ever bark. Never talks and its just so different. I can't put into words the pain that i feel sometimes. It hurts. That's all there is to it. Its raw and as time goes on it still feels like yesterday. I dream about that day every night. I sat in the pouring rain with Josie all day that gloomy Thursday. I was soaked but she wanted to lay in the front yard so we did. I told her that morning that i would never leave her the rest of the day. And i didn't. I sat in the rain i held her until she left for a better place. She was the greatest friend I've ever had and will ever have. She was my baby my sister my world.