"I Stand"

When you ask me, who I am:What is my vision? And do I have a plan?Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

And I don't knowWhat tomorrow bringsThe road less traveled Will it set us free?Cause we are taking it slow,These tiny legacies.I don't try and change the world;But what will you make of me?

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

With the slightest of breezesWe fall just like leavesAs the rain washes us from the groundWe forget who we areWe can't see in the darkAnd we quickly get lost in the crowd

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,I live for the perfect day.I love till it hurts like crazy,I hope for a hero to save me.I stand for the strange and lonely,I believe there's a better place.I don't know if the sky is heaven,But I pray anyway.

NEW POST!!! YAYAYAYA!!! lol sorry got that out of my system. hehehe. i just got done typing my chemistry paper so I'm kinda wound up and tiered of using my brain. so i thought i would come here. hehehe. don't ask i don't know whats wrong with me. ask my doctor. he says technically I'm fine, but I'm not so sure. LOL! we i just had to share something with all of you that i though you would all take great...umm....i don't really know..... but any ways. so i was sitting in English class a few days ago and we were helping grade our journals that we have to keep and i just was so privileged to get the cocky jokes from the seat behind me who I CAN'T STAND!! so i just the good kind friendly student and person i am just let it go and went on to read 50 journal entries and comment on every single one like i was instructed to and then total his score and return it to the pile. seems simple, easy, and to the point, right? WRONG!!! oh no this was no easy task!! it was like trying to read a four year old hand writing first off. but i got past that... then i had to grade the journal in many different ways.. up side down.... back to front and out of order. how does a person do that. it is a simple 50 point assignment. you walk into class get out your journal flip to the very next page in your journal write down your prompt, and write you close your journal when your down, and you put it away. the next day repeat this process. its really not that hard i do it every single day in English.
but OK fine what ever. you think this is great you should have read the things he turned the prompts into. journal entree number seven- " write how you could better your committee, and explain your answer"...simple write? here is a summery of what he put.." i could better my....um...town... by playing star football, basketball, baseball, and every other sport player. i don't really know how this would better my town but it would make me feel like even better of a person.oh ya that's right i am as good as they come. people should worship my athletic ability's and how gorgeous i am."
ya this is what i get to deal with ever single day for 45 minutes. he's so egotistical. i can't stand it. its one thing to mess around with people to say you are good at what you do. but to work 50 different journal entries so that you can talk about how much you love yourself. No get over your self...grow up!!!!
OK i feel better now...ttyl

hey everybody. thanks for being there for me. i really love all of you guys. your all amazing! and i mean that sincerly. so here is the newest and sweetest!!!..... so my mom and dad have been talking to a relative of my dads online via e-mail for a while and get this....the other day...... SHE CALLED!! how cool is that. now she is not jsut a relative she is living in austria now but she is from croatia. that is so cool that i am in touch her and her family now. my dream has always been for me and even the family to for my senior trip go to croatia to visit and meet all of my relatives on my dads side of the family. tell me that would not be cool!!! i hope that we stay in contact because i am so excited to get to know them. i know there is a daughter in the mix who is just about my age i think dad said she was 17. SWEEEEET!!!!!

can i ask a question? i was laying in bed the other day, just thinking to myself.... and people always say, "don't ask why because there is no answer" but is there? i wrote in my journal everything that came to mind and it kind of went like this....
"Do you every ask yourself why? why do people love? why do people hate? why do people breathe? why to people live? why do people die? why do people get sick? why do people stay healthy? why do people cry? why do people smile? why do people do bad things? why do the good die young? why do the Guilty live for eternity? why do friends come into our lives? why do friends leave? why do some forget? why do some forgive? why do some remember the aw full? why do some never forgive the simple? why? Do you ever ask yourself why?

Does this make sense to anybody? Do i sounds like a freak? maybe its just me. I kinda feel lately like i am just a struggling teenager that can't beat it. Is this the normal life of a teenager? maybe I'm just worrying to much. my grandfather is sick with cancer, and I'm not going to lie, I'm worried sick. i can't even think about loosing him without tearing up. he's so important to me. and so i try not to think about it but every time my brain even turns on something that does not take up every ounce of my brain i think about him.

I also really stress about my grades. i mean like i don't want to be a perfect 4.0 student(even know that would be great) but i just want to now struggle every day of school. My brother is so naturally smart and he can get such good grades, and the only thing he has to do is study every once and a while and apply himself and he can get a perfect 4.0. it's not fair. why can't i be naturally smart? i just don't want to struggle i want that honors diploma. i want to be that special person the twenty thirty years down the road i can send my parents on an all expense paid trip to Paris or Croatia or even Florida or Vermont(mom has always wanted to go there). i just wish i had the ability. everyone always says if i apply myself more i can get as good as grades as i want but i can't stay focused anymore to do any better. what am i suppose to do. do i give up. No! my best friend did that and look what happened now i have a 12x12 frame of the only pictures i ever had of her sitting by my bed with her obituary hung up in front of my bed on my wall. what good that did, right? ya I'm not that weak. i just struggle and feel like i stand alone sometimes because i don't want to drag anybody down. Can somebody just tell me I'm not crazy. just tell me I'm normal and it gets better. because this Really sucks. I'm tiered of hiding the tears until I'm in my bed and i cry myself to sleep almost every single night wondering why i can't be the perfect person, the perfect daughter, the perfect student. i don't even want to be perfect i just want to be good. i don't want to struggle and claw my way at EVERYTHING i do. what am i suppose to do?

WHY?