WOW

Anybody notice how fast life has gone by in the past two to three years? I know I have. It has been crazy. In the past three years I have gone from being a quiet, yet social, little tom boy, to being a (what I think) is a pretty young woman. I have confidence. I look forward to when I go to Kent on Thursdays because i feel that i fit in with so many people. I am so ready to get away from high school and not even think about looking back. I've worked so hard to make sure I have everything ready that I need to start at Kent ASAP. I don't want to sit for to long after I graduate from high school because that's when i get bored and lose interest. I want to become great things. I can NOT wait to get my degree and be able to help people. This is my passion, My calling, My life. I know that it is going to take every ounce of focus and discipline I have but i can not wait for the challenge. I've never wanted something like I do with this.
I have become such great friends with Emily that i just become more and more inspired to be something great by the day. Every time I see her and see her face just light up to be around people she loves and is such good friends with it makes it so much more rewarding to be HER friend. She is like a sister to me and has made me realize how much I am truly meant to do what I am about to do with my life. I want to aspire to be something great. I want to be able to do my own thing and whenever I come out on the other side my family is so proud of me.
I know along the way there will probably be things that I do that people will not totally agree with but that's OK because it's my turn to show my friends, family, enemies, and the world what I am able to accomplish on my own. It's my turn to show everybody that I can just survive while starting to figure out things on my own. It's time to let myself bloom into something amazing. I for a while started to panic and not want anything to do with growing up and leaving the safety of my closed up rose petals but now i can't wait to show everybody the beautiful color on the inside. I'm so determined to make a life of my own. Getting a Job, Getting an Education, Getting a Career, And hopefully Having a Family someday. I hope that no matter what choices I make in my life in the next few years, everybody who stands behind me know and believes in me doesn't stop believing in me and trusting in my decisions.

I'm thinking... I'm thinking... I'm thinking...

OK. So i sat in front of this computer and tried to come up with something and somehow to start this blog. Well i figured it out. it starts last night. My family went to load up band equipment from the rehearsal hall for the show on New Years Eve. Our good friend Jack came along to give us a hand. After we loaded up and came home we sat around the table and had a nice dinner together. Then there was a knock at the door and Sidney let out a loud YIPE!! Travis Mashburn came in the door, Jacks little brother. he sat at the end of the table. Jack sat next to mom, mom sat across from me, dad sat at the head of the table and Jon sat next to me.( Now its your job to figure out where we are all actually sitting. try and visualize it.) But anyways, so as we sit there chatting, we begging to notice that the foil that once was around the backed potatoes we had for dinner are now the perfect size ball to match a baseball. next thing we all new, we were playing volleyball with these balls of foil, and then baseball using oven mitts as the bat. At one point Jon got up from his seat not really notices and walled into his room, Jack was using the Pooh Bear oven mitts now at antlers like a deer. As he turns to look at mom with his great horns of fabric, something smacks him right between the eyes. But what makes this so funny....is he didn't react right away, he kept making dorky sounds than about five seconds later flinched and said ouch and started laughing. Perfect shot, by my brother J-Blood. I guess the boy just has the right touch to hit anything right between the eyes. Whether is is a deer with an arrow or Jack with a beer bottle cap folded in half. We laughed so hard last night around that table. Just over the simplest of things. We than slowly migrated to the living room. Jack Laid out on the couch, Travis curled up in moms chair, Mom curled up in dads chair, and Jon and i were on the floor with the puppy. Dad went on to bed because he was tired and just plain wore out. As we just kind of hung out watching TV now unwinding from the fun i realized just how much i forgot what it was like, just to have a good time and not stress over something. As I text Medford, Jack and Travis's dad, good night i told him that his mind could rest easy for the night, that both his boys were together happy, Jack sound asleep on the couch and Trav not far behind in sleep, both with full tummy's, warm and happy for the night. He simply said thank you and told me how much, they were his pride and joy. I told him he was more then welcome and a final good night. Threw all of this i learned something. Something may be so small, maybe something so great, but i learned that instead of stressing over things that could kill a small animal, let them go and fill yourself with times like these pf happiness and laughter. Life is way to short to not laugh, to not smile, and to not live. I learned that if things don't go as exactly planned, well OK.... move on. Things are not that bad. I'm gonna start living with more of a smile on my face and worry about what may benefit me in my life instead of always worrying about if i might be not perfect in somebody Else's view. That's my opinion.... As my father would say, " It is my opinion, there are and may be many like it but this one is my own." And that's my story for tonight.

God Bring Me Home Safe

A man kisses his wife and son.
A woman hugs her husband and kisses her daughter.
A little girl has tears running down her soft cheeks.
A teenage boy cries to God asking why.

Them in uniforms, wave one last time.
Saying good bye, with a gentle nod.
They walk to that awaiting plan.
They pray silently to themselves.
"God Bring Me Home Soon."

The families stand at that tall cold fence.
Parents who are left hold their children.
Tears, so sad run down all's faces.
They all silently say a prayer.
"God Bring Them Home Soon."

Months pass. Letters are sent to and from.
Then the letters from home get no response.
Weeks pass. A man comes in a uniform with a sealed envelope.
The family cries, Oh Please No.
"Oh God, Bring Them Home Soon."

Those same families gather again.
Standing at that tall, cold fence.
Praying to see their loved ones, walk off of that plane.
The doors lowers, dress blues are seen.
"God, Please Bring Them Home Soon."

As those in dress blues become seen.
They carry flag draped caskets.
The reality sets into family members
Some cry out, some drop to their knees.
"God Bring Them Home Soon."

Those little boys and girls,
The teenage children, asking why,
The wife's and husbands,
Left to pick up each other and mourn as one.
"God brought Them Home."

The line of black hearses.
The filled funeral homes.
Family and friends waiting to say welcome home.
Most stand numb asking God why.
"God you didn't bring them home, you took him home."

The families say good bye.
Some frustrated with god.
Some frustrated with the government.
They wanted him to come home to them alive.
They Prayed, "God Bring Him Home Soon."

They hear people talking in the streets.
"This is their job to fight for freedom."
Yet they stand there and don't think about the families left behind.
Husbands and wife's get defensive over their loved ones.
Standing up for those who give their lives so we can be Free.

Standing up for those who,
"God decides to bring home to him."
Such as he did with their husbands and Wife's,
Their sons and daughters.
"God someday i ask you to bring them all home to us and you."

Christmas/Holiday Wish List's

OK so i know i haven't been on here in forever and have allot to get caught up on but one thing i have been thinking about that could give us all a helping hand during the holiday time. Why does everybody make a blog entry that is their Christmas wish list. It can be a present you want, or a dinner you want to have with a group of friends. But post it. Then those of us who read your blog will then have idea's for holiday gifts and outings. Makes things much easier. Give it a try.

http://www.cmt.com/videos/misc/277609/just-stand-up-artists-stand-up-to-cancer.jhtml?

You know I'm starting to wonder if things are going to fall how i want them to but you know maybe I'm just suppose to know till it happens. So fine. Life is a roller coaster that i can't control. But i guess i can look at it as a ride of fun instead a ride of fear and worry. Just ride it out. everything happens for a reason right.? Sure that what everybody has always said. GOD has plan for everybody. I wish i could believe my own words coming out of my mouth. I won't lie I'm terrified to be on my own, i don't know where I'm going what I'm going to do... I know Nothing. I know what i WANT to do and where i WANT to be but who knows if its going to happen that way. I sure hope so. I guess i can lean of the faith i do have and hope it gets me there. I wish my faith was as strong as it used to be. Its just not there anymore. I can't find it and its driving me crazy.
i put this link on here because a friend told me to look up this song and listen to the words. i here the words but i can't absorb them i can't believe them.

Good Bye My Old Girl

If you truly want to read the impact my girl had on my family and family friends, visit my moms blog. Her tribute is fantastic. It has taken me a week to say the little bit i am about to say. What i can say is, my girl must be happy, today at about 4:30 it started to rain. (exactly one week late.) at about 6 o'clock it stopped raining. My Josie was telling me she's OK, and that she is watching over me. I can't tell you how it feels to loose a lifetime companion like this. Its such a raw empty feeling. ever morning i am woken up by my mom putting our puppy, Sydney, on me till she licks half my face off. but its not the same. Sydney doesn't understand me. yes she is so cute but, its just not the same. every time i come home, there is no black nose in the last dinning room window facing the driveway, with whimpers of joy coming from it. Every night i go to bed and i never get yelled at for not petting or cuddling with her long enough. Every morning, no conversation when i come down the stairs and am only half awake. I miss that the most. Every single morning, rain or shine Josie would say good morning and i would lay as close to her as i could get and she would talk to me. We would spend at LEAST five minutes every morning talking waking up together. I used to come home from school and she would meet me at the door with a big nudge to get me on the ground and then would jump continue to lick me and wine and whimper and we would snuggle for a while. She loved this family so much that she would never eat until the family was home. She would go all day at times when we were all out busy with out eating. In seven months exactly as of today i will be eighteen, she would have been thirteen. I'm not sure how that's going to go. For twelve years she always got the first rose off OUR birthday cake feed to her by me with a fork. I have nobody to give my milk to in the morning when i finish my bowl of cereal. Nothing is the same. Sydney doesn't ever bark. Never talks and its just so different. I can't put into words the pain that i feel sometimes. It hurts. That's all there is to it. Its raw and as time goes on it still feels like yesterday. I dream about that day every night. I sat in the pouring rain with Josie all day that gloomy Thursday. I was soaked but she wanted to lay in the front yard so we did. I told her that morning that i would never leave her the rest of the day. And i didn't. I sat in the rain i held her until she left for a better place. She was the greatest friend I've ever had and will ever have. She was my baby my sister my world.
REST IN PEACE MY BABY GIRL!!! HOPE YOUR HAPPY!!!

WHERE I'M FROM

On a three hour flight from Memphis to LAI was silently celebrating my first class upgradeLaughing at my jeans and my bootsBeside those high dollar shoes and Armani suitsWhen the gentleman next to me said the drinks up here are freeSo if you'd like the first one can be on meHe said i'm headin back from business in New York and RomeTell me son, Where do you call homeI said I'm from the front pew of a wooden white churchThe courthouse clock it still dont workWhere a man's word means everythingWhere moms and dads were high school flingsGave their children grandmothers maiden nameYes it may not sound like muchBut its where I'm fromSo we drank that round and then anotherThere wasn't a topic in this world we did not coverHe said I headed out west when I was barely 19Just a kid chasing my dreamsI said I'm flying out here to pick up my big brotherHe's been fighting the cancer they discoveredBut he called last night and said I think this is the end. So come take me home to my family and my friendsWhere the quarterback dates the homecoming queenThe truck's a ford and the tractor's greenAnd Amazing Grace is what we singWell there's a county fair every fallAnd your friends are there no matter when you callYeah It may not sound like much but it'sWhere I'm fromAnd as we stood to claim the bags we checkedHe said I'll pray for your brother and did I mention thatItalian suits haven't always been my styleSee I was quarterback of my high school teamWe took state back in '63And my wife, she's still my homecoming queenCause I'm from the front pew of a wooden white churchA courthouse clock that still don't workWhere a man's word means everythingWhere moms and dads were high school flingsGave their children grandmothers maiden nameYes it may not sound like muchI said it may not sound like much but it's where I'm fromit's where I'm fromWhere I'm fromAmazing Grace, how sweet the sound......

This story is a story of Trueth. Of Heart. And of Love.